All the Rest that's Fit to Print
Shamelessly Compiled from Emails Received By Brian Gilomen
Subject: Neat WX info - check it out!
Mick Pahnke forwarded this link to a site that "decodes" METAR information.
Check out:
Near the bottom of the page there is a location where you can enter your origin airport. I just did that, inputting "K1C5", and I got a marvelous read-out of current conditions for all reporting stations within a 50 (or your your choice) NM radius. The read-out provides location of readings, time of readings, category (VFR; IFR), visibility, sky cover, surface winds, temperature, dew point, wind chill, altimeter reading, humidity and relevant remarks. An excellent tool to use from your computer before leaving for the airport!
Man May Face Charges for Air Flour Drop
----- Original Message -----
From: Wolf, W Brad
Sent: Tuesday, February 01, 2005 10:35 AM
Subject: Flour Drop
Man May Face Charges for Air Flour Drop
Mon Jan 31, 9:56 PM ET
MESA, Ariz. - A man could face charges for dropping bags of flour from an
airplane as he flew over a campground on the Tonto National Forest, authorities
said.
The man, whose identity wasn't released, flew a plane out of Deer Valley Airport
and dropped sacks of white powder as a prank on friends who were playing
paintball at Needle Rock recreation area, said Sgt. Travis Anglin, a Maricopa
County sheriff's spokesman.
Some plastic bags broke before reaching the ground, while others landed intact
in an area east of Cave Creek, near the Verde River.
Forest rangers evacuated the campground after seeing the drop around noon Sunday
and contacted the Maricopa County Sheriff's Office.
The paintball players later explained that their friend had dropped flour bags
as a joke.
Actual exchanges between pilots and control towers
Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!"
Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"
****************************************
Tower: "TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees."
TWA 2341: "Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"
Tower: "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"
****************************************
From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: "I'm f...ing
bored!"
Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself
immediately!"
Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f...ing bored, not f...ing stupid!"
****************************************
O'Hare Approach Control to a 747:
"United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles,
Eastbound."
United 329: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this...I've got the little
Fokker in sight."
****************************************
A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. While attempting to
locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was your last known position?"
Student: "When I was number one for takeoff."
****************************************
A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll out after
touching down. San Jose Tower Noted:
"American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able.
If you are not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at
the lights and return to the airport."
****************************************
There's a story about the military pilot calling for a priority landing because
his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked". Air
Traffic Control told the fighter jock that he was number two, behind a B-52 that
had one engine shut down. "Ah," the fighter pilot remarked, "The dreaded
seven-engine approach."
****************************************
A Pan Am 727 flight, waiting for start clearance in Munich, overheard the
following:
Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"
Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English."
Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany.
Why must I speak English?"
Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent):
"Because you lost the bloody war!"
****************************************
Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on frequency 124.7"
Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after we
lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."
Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702, contact
Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?"
BR Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we
copied Eastern... we've already notified our caterers."
****************************************
One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the
active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around,
and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8
crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. Did you make it all
by yourself?" The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back
with a real zinger: "I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like yours and
I'll have enough parts for another one."
****************************************
The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered
lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to
get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement
that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt
ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206...
Speedbird 206: "Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of active runway."
Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."
The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."
Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not been to
Frankfurt before?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark, -- And I didn't
land."
****************************************
While taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport, the crew of a US Air flight departing
for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727.
An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming:
"US Air 2771, where the hell are you going?! I told you to turn right onto
Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know
it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it
right!"
Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically:
"God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out!
You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect
progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour, and I want you to go
exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US
Air 2771?"
"Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded.
Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent
after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the
irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit
out around Gatwick was definitely running high. Just then an unknown pilot
broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking:
"Wasn't I married to you once?"
Where To Now?
Safety? We DO Need That Steenkin' Safety!